I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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