thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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