You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
