I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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