I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
A+ Viking dick
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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