what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
