I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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