Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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