Apparently you make a good broom.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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