addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
