margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
