I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
