I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
