I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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