well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
