Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just want nice things and good sex
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
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