what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
