when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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