I wish I could punch you in the face.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
