brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I smell stomach acid.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
