I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
