Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
