She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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