If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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