she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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