You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
