This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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