the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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