Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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