Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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