I wish I could teleport
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize