Have you finally orgasmed yet?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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