i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
