that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
