i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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