Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if only i could text you this smell
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
