I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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