he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
