The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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