1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
