Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
