you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
