Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
