im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
