It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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