Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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