Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
