I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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