remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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