I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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