woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
