Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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