My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
