I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
