just tell him i said nine months
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
