guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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