Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize