Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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