I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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