I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
