Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We were destined to go to rehab together
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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