WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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