i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
