Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
