She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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