Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
