hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
