Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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