i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Did I show you my penis last night?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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