Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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