Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
