I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
