Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
