Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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