I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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