Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize