And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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