someone threw a dead crab at me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
