Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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