I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
