I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
